Dunchahh

Mama came back from PD this evening, I know she’s not overwhelmed by what I had achieved. But I also know she loves me as much and that I still get to ask for some sort of prize

So I really need a new phone right now, the E90 is bugging me with it’s bulkiness. I’m getting a cheap nice phone and if goes as planned, a 16gb iPod touch. Really really what I’ve always wanted, a frikkin iPod touch, and with a huge memory of 16gb? Pegh. Ira might be getting one too since she was the one who raised the whole iPod touch topic. Gang siaaa! And I want a fair share of expenditure since I want it to be MY iPod which I worked hard for so I’m putting in a sum of 400 ringgit into this. Daddy got us a full version of Vista Ultimate and I was overwhelmed I nearly cried, -_-”

My second paycheque just rolled in. Thank you Kak Lin! Cashing out the cheques when Daddy’s free. Giving a treat to Kira and Dan as soon, and then the rest is for me, muwahahaha! College application soon, I’m starting to feel happy with the numerous phonecalls I’m getting with congratulations. Can’t beat Amy’s when even my Singaporean relatives gave her a ring since she got perfect scores for every subject. It’s nice to know even when you suck, you still have your loved ones. Sayang till death, ok?

Heading to the Edu Fair tomorrow at Midvalley and probably Klcc too. Daddy wasn’t keen on me going since I already know what I want and confusions not good, but no harm just browsing and gaining knowledge on the whole education system, kan? Going to Disney On Ice on the 20th with Ira and Amni’s going with her friends too. Heading to PD on the 21st till God knows when with my cousins. Can’t frikkin wait mann, I miss them! ):

Must get the iPod touch asap and the new phone as well. Must also start doing something productive.

Loveyouloveyouloveme, Amal.

End. Start.

My blog view for today increased tremendously.

I’m sorry to let you down by not posting my results up as soon. I got a little above what I had expected although not perfect as Amy’s was, I’m content. I really really am. I thank God, my parents, my teachers, my family. Without their love, I wouldn’t even have been alive to sit for the papers.

But honestly, PUSHING ASIDE my family members and my close friends, I’m really being nice in saying this (if you know me personally, you’d know I prefer to straighten things out, EVEN in cyber-space), it could be time for some of you folks to be growing up a little in the head. I can never get how people can be so stupid sometimes, if ever I get myself 11 As or even 11Gs, how the hell does that in any way affect your life? What’s in for me in the future, is mine. Not anyone’s. I don’t see you as a frikkin’ pop-up in my future so if you’re someone I know just by random and just by a few hellos exchanged, I really think you should start living your own life. I mean seriously, triple amount of blog views than yesterday? That’s a little overboard.

Okay, back to life. I got myself 8As. There you have it. I’m content, I’m happy. It could’ve been better, no doubt my class skipping routine in Form 4 has no doubt caused an effect to my studies. Studying in Form 5 never really was ample to cover up what I lacked off in Form 4.

Regrets? None. Well, maybe just very very a little. But I’m really really content.  Alhamdulillah. The feeling of content is something I would never ever trade, even for perfection.  I’m happy and what makes me happier is that even with my imperfections and flaws, I’m happy in my skin, I’m glad I’m me, I’m happy to be the person I’ve grown up to.

Went to Ira’s for pigging out session. Kira then came over. We headed to Tropicana City and met up with Harez. Played Daytona at the arcade and as expected, I lost. I was doing okay when suddenly EFFFFFF my car flipped and it was facing the reversed direction and there’s no reverse gear so I panicked and screamed. At least not as bad as Kira, HAHAH she wa sin second and Harez won. She actually thought the game was over so she screamed and laughed victoriously, letting her hand off the wheel. And then Ira passed her and she got 3rd place. I still got 4th. Car went reversed direction AGAINN during the second game. Headed to Ra’s and Dad fetched me later.

I haven’t really disappointed anyone I love, except Mr T whom I have yet to ring but Dan said he’d still be proud no matter what. I just don’t have the heart to tell him I didn’t succeed in scoring great for my Accounts. The other teachers I came to were happy and it meant so much to me, I really wanted the best for my parents and my teachers. Now everyone’s glad, including me. What a bonus.

Although the flaws are still there in my results slip, I’ve grown out of it, it’s time to move on with life and insyaAllah, I’ll grow up in the right pace, on the right track.

Thank you God, you have made me the most happiest, I know my results pretty much suck, hahaha, but I like what I’ve grown to become, I’m growing to a better adult and I will get closer to you.

♥ -amal

p.s Happy Birthday Pete Doherty! Although Tiya claims you’re sick inside because of all the drugs, I know you’re not. Hahahahah (:

I love Pete’s lyrics in everything. Ok goodnight.

SPM results

Results. .

out in approximately one hour.

I’m scaredd. I woke up by accident and now I can’t sleep back. Chatted with Fahmi on facebook for a while and then here I am after failing to sleep for the 2nd time.

I’ve noted most friends to not ask what I’ve obtained unless an obvious glow is present on my face. Told them to read here since this is where I’d probably curse/laugh/cry/thank.

God bless us.

End To The Wait.

I’m feeling ultimately lost right now. I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to rise. I just got my very first pay-cheque today and I miss the people at Bangsar upon returning them.

‘haa, kau tolong mak lipat baju mehh!’

‘ha? hahaha, lepas tu letak plus dekat cheque tu ehh ‘

Mak btw is the she-male worker there. That’s what most of them call him and after some time there, that’s what he refers himself to when talking to us too! Sayangggg semua oranggg! (:

Watched a little of Watchmen with Ira and the flow was pretty slow, it was a well written movie, but not something to be expected from a superhero sort of movie. Too much talk, too little action. Headed to Muhibbah with Najwa, Hana, Ira, Faiqa anddddddd Atoy who’s back from NS! With tanned skin, not fully though, an inch from both her face sides is still fair, hahahahah! She was in her NS uniform and boots in OU. Kira fetched us halfway and we headed to Atoy’s.

Dinner was good. Kira sent me home and I got myself the longest shower, or as I had jokingly told Steph, I tried drowning myself but failed, hahahah. After soaking myself for long, and having my eyes turn red because of the water, I stoned.

And here I am. I’m really feeling lost and out of my mind.

What comes, must come. I have to be strong in taking anything. I really really just don’t wish to disappoint anyone, my parents, my teachers, my grand parents and everyone else. I want time smiling ear to ear knowing what my results turned out as.

Gotta text Ra now, need someone to ring me to wake up because I bet I’d be too darn scared to even wake myself up. I won’t be surprised if I end up sleeping or crying, I won’t be amazed if I’d chicken out.

Wish me luck loves.

Amal Zulkifar,
There are times in life when things just happen for a reason, and only when you’re lucky, you are aware of the reason which hids beneath it. There are times when you have to let yourself into a situation, even if that means you have to leave your hopes dangling in mid-air with a possibility of crashing down.  God does not neglect anyone, if ever there’s failure it’s probably because you’ve neglected yourself in the past but you always have an excuse to that, you’re human, not God.

Really, there exist times when you really have to cut yourself some slack.

♥ yourself.

2008 In A Flash

In 2008, I’ve just realised how much changes I had myself in for, too many for me to list honestly, but I’ll be giving this a try. Jeez, this is so not good for me, going to the past and reminiscing it and stuff, it’s not gonna make me any happier, or maybe it could

So yes,

In 2008 :-

1. I  fell out of the whole J-Pop frenzy scene and gave away/stashed at a corner the Japanese magazines and boy-group souvenirs I owned which cost me more than a thousand ringgit. I swore myself not ever to be a fan-girl again. I am over that stage of life!

2. I got myself into the whole British music scene AGAIN after giving up trying to like Jpop, and was mad over Pete Doherty, I actually wrote him a fan-mail. (HAHAAA, this is an ultimate confession). I made up my mind that music does not equal to good looking musicians. Good looks don’t usually make good music, (but some men are just perfect )

3. I fell for John Mayer as soon as I saw Say on tv. It made me cry -_-

4. 2008 was no doubt the year of coincidences, and probably miracles for myself too. Makes it different than previous years.

5.  I enrolled myself into a tuition centre with 40 other teenagers studying at the same time with me, and decided I liked it better than previous private classes I had myself in for.

6. I got myself stress attacks the night before each trials exam paper and spent 10 minutes plus crying and trying to calm myself down.

7. I realised I could be broken apart so easily, and I’m not very much stress-proof.

8. I quit debating after a year of doing it non-stop.

9. I slept in class for the first time (hey, I’m a goodie okay! )

10. I had a chat with the Principal who wanted to convince us to continue debates! And I have no idea, why this is here but hey, during primary I had a chat with the Principal and nearly got my name blacklisted in the discipline book, so I’ve changed

11.  I’ve learned the people I could really rely on, and that I owe my life to.

12. I liked a guy (no dumbo, this is not the first), but couldn’t figure out the reason why at all (this is a first).

13. I gave up convincing people that I do not have bad taste in men and the way the look. I guess I like ugly men, hahahah! That doesn’t sound so right.

14. I met up and hung out with my 5-years Msn bestbud and my bestfriend thinks so fondly of him, HAHA.

15. I got myself hooked on Youtube (definitely a first).

16. I spent my birthday at a place I wasn’t familiar of, doing random things with close friends that I don’t expect (except Najwa), and new friends I’m not close to at all.

17. I got myself confused and made others confused as well.

18. I did many things I would never do.

19. I managed to get everything I wanted and luck was on my side at this period of time.

20. I lost a lot of things.

21. I had contact lenses then decided they’re too much hassle to be worn.

22. I got myself a planner which I update regularly.

23. I sat for SPM.

24. I spent 20ringgit on phonecalls everyday for nearly 2 weeks.

25. I used a lot of people and karma is hitting on me still.

26. I messed around with faith.

27. I got way more independant.

28. I don’t make plans and do things randomly instead.

29. I studied hard at certain periods.

30. I got myself conviced but I was also wrong.

31. For the first, I realised I do not have the answer to all of life’s problems.

32. I got rid of half my ego. Okay, maybe just a quarter.

33. I organised a couple of events and realised that I could after all organise things. Just not myself.

34. I failed a subject in school for the first and cried to it so much.

35. I cursed so much at one point when I was pissed at how things were.

36. I decided to not care so much of what others say.

37. I sprained my leg for the first time, twice!

38. I developed peptic ulcer and chronic gastric illness.

39. I made up random coversation with people.

40. I got more bimbotic, is that even a word?

41. I made a fool of myself too often but decided that I have many other things to worry about.

42. I learned that people should learn to accept others and themselves just the way things are.

43. I realised how much I really care about my siblings.

44. I realised how vulnerable I am.

45. I got to know that people can turn out to be exactly what you think they never would be.

46. I trusted people less, and this is good because I put too much trust on people and too easily.

47. I realised that I have dreams too big and they require risks but still have yet to figure out if risking is a good thing.

48. I headed to Klcc for 3 days in a row and got Klcc labeled as home for me by my friends.

49. I realised how things could go away in just a blink of an eye.

50. I got to learn the hard way that you don’t know what you have until you actually lose them.

You’re Good, You’re Gone.

I seem to always have a problem prioritising. My brains never do function first, but instead my instincts and feelings do. So everything is placed to the last of importance, everything but my feelings -_- Uhkkk.

On a different note, John Mayer just updated his blog with a post regarding baking. Okay, I sound dumb but he’s just so cute, and I don’t care if there’s a possibility of it being superficial. We all are. As long as the intention’s for good, who bleeding cares?

Other than that, I’m making a trip to OU for dinner with my family. It has been long since I’ve had make up on my face, my hair not tied up in a bun and myself dressed in something other than house clothes. 30 minutes left, must get ready to see the world! Ohh, it’s been just far too long. Wish me luck and pray for my Accounts, my loves.

Please come and help us raise funds! We’d seriously appreciate it. And, I promise you’d have a good time too! Hahah, and guess who did the designing? If it sucks, it ain’t me. lol, kidding.

Ok Mal, time to put every slight dilemma and thoughts on hold and in pending. Just 2 more papers left. Don’t screw up now. You survived without a breakdown so keep the good record! HAHA ciao

Move It, Move On.

Just one single subject to sit for left and I won’t be setting foot into school’s grounds again. Except when obtaining my results slip. I can’t believe myself that I’m gloomed by that fact. I’ve been dying to get my bum out of school since the start of the responsibilities and the tonnes of workload being forced to us, but I guess difference and change, well they bring significance. And things just won’t seem as normal.

No doubt, it’s gonna get a lot lonelier, without tuition classes filling in the daily gaps and 5 hours of having myself rot in school missing daily. As fun as it would be to be having the whole zest of life back again, things definitely will be different. I no longer would be having myself waiting anxiously to meet buds in school for a dose of what’s ups in each of our lives. Trying to stay awake during Physics, being cheeky and messing around with the teachers, banging my head on the grill behind the class when I laugh and rock the chair (Youuchh), glaring at classmate whom I find annoying. Plus I’d miss my routines. If you know me well, you’d know how I’m always on with the same routine of going up the same staircase when going to class and going down the one at the end of the first block when school’s out, plus not ever wanting to use other staircases thinking it’d wouldn’t bring good luck. Yes, I am tremendously superstitious if you’ve not known.

Not forgetting, Najwa, Tiya, Ira, Faiqa. Who the hell am I supposed to be going kinkyheheh with and sulk about life to? Just a month of SPM and I’ve spent myself 20ringgit each day on phone calls and text messages. I don’t wanna rot alone.

I’ve just realised myself over talking to Ira how different every person is but yet, we each would in the end find the people who’d see us as someone perfect and just ignore our flaws altogether. Every bitch, loner, jerk, would eventually find themselve that particular group of people who’d be able to accept them as who they are and amongst them, they’re all perfect. I guess we are if you think of it in that way.

No one’s ever going to be able to please everyone so closest you can get to being perfect is when you find that group you belong to. Stereotypes are subjective. A bitch to a person could be an angel to another. Well, thing is, to find that group it’s rather tough and I thought I found myself it and maybe I did. But then we’re 17, it’s still a long way to go if God doesn’t forbid. So yes, a journey it is. I guess after SPM, I’d do myself good by learning myself and the people I love better.

Au revoir.

Oinkwink.

I honestly spent today doing nothing more than sleep. I went online for a moment but the rest of the day, I had been sleeping. Eeeek, I just banged my elbow on the table, youuuch. Annndd, still yawwwwning. But I don’t think I can sleep anymore, I’m having the worse migraine noww.

I’ve got this problem that once I have a nap, I don’t wanna wake up at all till it’s dark. I slept at around 4. Woke up at 5. Slept, slept slept. And now my sister refuses to let me continue! I hope a shower would do me good. Still yawning.

Please tell me to study Accounts. On the other side of things, life has been boooring. You know once you have most of the things you need and might want in life, you get bored with it and crave for more from it. But I don’t know what else to crave for. I feel content and grateful for life as it is, in a weird way. In this weird way.

I am also pissed that my brother’s buds are hanging around the house 24/7, making me not able to walk around while looking like medusa in girls’ briefs.

Time to ciao. Pray to all your Gods that I’d study, HAHA I sound so dumb, such a simple task.

Evs, charciao.

Check!

I have only got Accounts 1 and 2 left until the reasons of my life would magically disappear. My 10 years of studying in high school had finally come to an end, the aim of it all is to end on the 1st.

I have to get myself a new goal and task. An objective. A dream, I don’t know ?

I have to get a purpose.

Anyhows, I did myself a personality test! (:

Whatever

2 more to go. I can’t believe I got myself committed to 11 subjects. It’s easy for you geeks but trust me, having to cope with that, facebook, texting, phone calls, blogging, browsing for news, browsing on youtube, okay enough.

Okay I won’t complain and I won’t go against things from now on. I’m gonna let it all flow. I’m be nice yo.